yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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