this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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