If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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