I'm so fucking centered right now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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