It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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