No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
