Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
