I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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