I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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