If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
