my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
