she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
