I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
