he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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