lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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