That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There r osticjed everywhere
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
