Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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