Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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