thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
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At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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