Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
