Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
