not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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