Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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