Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
