3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
