im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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