i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and she was petting her beer can
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
