just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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