Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
