oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
