You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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