I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
