You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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