You smell like stripper and shame
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Holy shit dude........stairs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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