hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
