God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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