awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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