420 ftw
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
