I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
