U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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