Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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