Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
