Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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