I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
