Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
