marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
