he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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