He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
