This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
