His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
