Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
