??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sobbing to NWA
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
