Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
