i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
