i jhust puked up my retainher.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
