I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize