I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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