i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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