U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
