Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
