Only a mothe r could love this liver
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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