God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
