when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
