I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
